World So Cold
by Aisling-Siobhan
Summary: REPOST. HP/DM. Doesn't really have a summary, and if it did, well FFNet deleted it... So... I'm sure most of you remember this anyway and will know what it's about. Three separate POVs of one specific event in Harry's life. Char Death.
1. Chapter 1

THIS IS A RE-POST, BECAUSE FFNET TOOK THIS STORY DOWN, BECAUSE THE SUMMARY WAS NOT RATED G. IT'S AN M RATED STORY… WTF?

**World So Cold**

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter, et all does not belong to me. The song is by **Mudvayne!** H/D

**Words:** 2,480

_XXX_

* _When passion's lost and all the trust is gone_

_Way too far, for way too long_

_Children crying, cast out and neglected_

_Only in a World so cold, only in a World this cold_

_Hold the hand of your best friend_

_Look into their eyes_

_Then watch them drift away_

_Some might say, we've done the wrong things_

_For way too long, for way to long *_

The wind blew, sending icy shivers down my spine, I stood staring out across the lake just thinking, and crying. And remembering. Remembering everything that had happened, over the past five years, all the pain and hurt and sadness I've cause. All the pain and hurt and sadness I've felt. All the guilt!

I walked a little closer to the frozen water, stopping just out of reach of the ice. I run a hand threw my wind blown hair, fighting back the tears. Every image, every memory opens old wounds, some still not fully healed. And I can practically feel the blood pour from them and stain my hands.

Blood on my hands. So much blood, so much death! All my fault! If I had been quicker, stronger, smarter, or if I had never been born things might have been better, different. No, things **would** have been better! So many less deaths! So many more lives saved!

xxx

My parents would be alive, Sirius would never have gone to Azkaban; he and Remus could have had 12 more years with each other. With my parents! He would never have died either! Or Cedric! The 'spare'.

Pain engulfs me, squeezing my heart like a vice. I clench my shirt over my heart, feeling it beat against my fist! So loud, it makes my head hurt. The 'thump', 'thump' of my heart echoes through my mind, each 'thump' brings a memory.

Me at three, a belt hits my back. A sharp pain explodes with in me and I see stars.

Me at five, a punch to the stomach I double over and cry. Colors flash behind my eyes as I squeeze them shut tight.

Me at seven, curled under the stairs, as quite as I can be. No use, he's home. The door flies open and the pain starts again.

Me at nine, I dropped a glass, I'm thrown on the floor. The glass cuts into me. The blood runs down my arms and across my stomach. He doesn't care, he grabbed the belt. His foot presses me to the floor, to the glass. 'Thump', 'thump' I scream. 'Thump', 'thump' then the darkness takes me.

xxx

I'm eleven now, he takes my letters. He taunts me, they all do. I get shouted at. But the beatings have stopped for a while. I got to Hogwarts alive.

I sigh loudly, my hand brushes my hair out of my face again, I don't bother wiping away the tears. I let go of my shirt, I can't take it anymore. My hand drops to my side, hanging limply, the hairs on end from the cold. I never liked Christmas, when I was eleven it was ok, I actually got presents. And when I was twelve, and thirteen, now I'm fifteen and it's staring to suck again. Too much pain and death. How should I enjoy the holiday when people like Sirius and Cedric will never be able to? They lie in their cold shallow, lonely graves and I get gifts? Their killer! I am I know I am. No one believes me. They tell me I'm not, but sometimes I can see it, that flicker of doubt in their eyes!

Some of them think it's me. I know it's me! The only person I think truly believes it wasn't my fault, is the one I least expected, and that's why I left him, and him alone, my note and will. He's the only one to deserve it.

xxx

Speaking of Draco, I wish I had never turned him down in first year. I wrote all this in the letter but I still can't get it sorted in my own head. I wanted to like him, I really did. But he acted like Dudley at 'Madame Malkins' and then insulted my only real, my first ever, friend when I met him next, what was I supposed to think of him? I was too young to understand the hurt that flashed across your face. Too stupid to realize the pain I caused, but I know now, and I can only pray that you do not feel for me, how I feel for you. I don't want to pain you! I'd hate myself.

If you had asked me another time, a day or so later, I would have jumped at the chance, and I was scared to come near you. I saw how sharp your tongue was first hand, I didn't want it directed towards me! Silly, I should be used to it, but after ten years of it… it becomes too much. Hogwarts was my escape but I didn't escape the pain did I?

My first year, I got you and I attacked in the forest, oh sure Draco ran away but still. Voldemort was there for me, so it was my fault. It scared you, it scared me too, don't worry! Then of course I brought my only friends to the point of death, and got house points for it. At the time I thought that was marvelous, but now I see how petty it was. A house cup for our lives? Doesn't seem worth it does it? I don't think it is anyway.

xxx

Our second year, I was accused of being Salazar's heir. Of opening the Chamber of Secrets and almost killing so many people. A huge leap of faith there from my friends and peers for over a year. The only one, yet again, who was against the idea, was you. Yeah, it was me and Ron who were in the Slytherin common room that day, you thought we were Crabbe and Goyle and we ran out when Ron's hair began to go ginger again.

I nearly got people killed then as well; Ginny Weasly, a few more minutes and she'd be dead. Not like it matters I guess she hates me now anyway. Everyone does!

Third year went well, except the Buckbeak incident. Fifth year I was banned from Quiditch, every house but mine celebrated, especially Slytherin, now they finally had a chance! I would have thrown a match if I knew how important it was for you to win, just once, against me. My entire house blamed me; apparently it was my fault I got banned because Umbridge hated me. Draco didn't care I was off the team, but he knew it wasn't my fault! Yet again, he's the only one to have faith in me. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I let the hat place me in Slytherin.

Again I'm overwhelmed by the anger I feel towards myself for denying me that chance! Those friends and loves? Just one love, Draco Malfoy. Who would have thought it? Gods I hope he got over me!

xxx

Sirius died, my connection to Voldemort got him killed, we went to save him; on Thestrals and he wasn't there. He came later and got killed, because of me. No one will say it but they blame me, for Siri and for Cedric! And I blame myself. Again the pain builds up, washing over me drowning me in guilt and anguish. And I wish I had never been born. Wish I had saved my loved ones so much pain. Wished, more than anything else in my horrible, pointless, painful life, that I could go back and somehow change it all. Somehow I could die before I was born, or better yet not have been conceived at all, and everyone would be happy without me.

I walk onto the ice slowly, no sudden moves to crack it. I stand directly in the center of the huge lake, I doubt even the giant squid is beneath there. It's far too cold. Everyone is tucked up safe in bed and I try and think of who I want to remember. Sirius definitely but it hurts too much. Remus! Of course Moony, he has every right to blame me for Sirius' death. I can never be sorry enough for losing him his mate. Draco. Gods Draco, how I'll miss you even in death, just to see you even if you are cursing my name now. I'd still be seeing you. I'll watch over you from up there, or down there wherever I end up in the end. I'll keep you safe my love.

_xxx_

Hermione, maybe Ron? No, they turned against me she doesn't deserve my last thoughts! How dare she and Ron believe me to be aligned with the Dark Lord? He killed so many people I loved and cared about, he ruined my life, for fifteen long years I've been in danger, endangering my loved ones in return. I'm still a virgin… I never thought of that. Mione and Ron paired off and left me with no one to love for myself. I couldn't drag anyone knew into this mess and the only one I ever truly loved, and still do love, was Draco. I pray he doesn't love me!

Severus, definitely, I'll be sorry to leave him. But Draco will show him the letter. I left a small note there for Severus, Draco won't read it. I trust him. 'Thump', 'thump' my heart beats wildly as I stamp my foot against the hard ice. 'Stamp', 'thump', 'thump' 'snap', and the ice slowly cracks beneath me.

The lines in the sheet spread around me, trapping me, even if I wanted to I'd never get off in time. The lines run over the lake heading all around me, cutting me off. No where to run, so I stand still. Why would I want to run? I can hear voices, I look over to the edge of the lake and my eyes widen. Draco Malfoy is standing there in his Quiditch pajamas, my letter clutched tightly in his hand. He got it too early; tears stream down his face unchecked. Beside him Severus Snape watches in horror as the ice begins to sink, just beneath me.

_xxx_

Slowly I raise my hand and wave goodbye. Draco screams my name and runs for the ice but Sev grabs him thankfully, keeping him away from me and yet more danger that surrounds me. I smile sadly and mouth "I love you" to the blond angel, before the jagged circle of ice directly underneath my feet tip upwards and I fall, flat on my face as the ice bobs on its side, I slip under the water and the lump of ice falls on top of me, trapping me beneath the surface. The icy water pricks at my skin, and stings my eyes. So I close them, I see Draco, from the first time I met him to just then, as he stood and cried for me.

And I realize he loves me, he really loves me. I can't hurt someone else I love, so I struggle, desperate to be free of my watery prison. But the ice above me won't budge and I realize I've drifted, I'm no where near where I fell. Frantically I search for a way out, but there's no more air. My eyes close, my mouth opens and I swallow so much ice water I choke, and I try to cough it up but I can't. I'm drowning but I'm so cold, so tired, I don't fight anymore. I just relax, and as I go slack I can still hear the screams from above me.

The frantic cries for me to come back, for the screamer to wake up so he can say this was a nightmare and I'm safe in bed. As the world blackens I realize the screamer is Draco but I'm too tired, too cold to fight for him. And I think the words "I love you" again and pray that somehow, someway he'll know I said it, and he'll say it back.

If I'm dead, Voldemort won't hurt my friends, he won't hurt any more of the people I love (how ever little those may be) but even in death I want to be loved. By at least one person, even if it is selfish.

I'm so cold, so cold, so…

**The End**

Anyway, there were two chapters but now they're three… and this is complete! I am posting the whole thing now… so if you love me (there are a few who say they do) please review!

Chapter 2 :: All That I've Got :: Draco POV


	2. Chapter 2

"**All That I've Got**"

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter, et all does not belong to me. The song is by **The Used**! H/D

**Words:** 2,343

_XXX_

*_I'll be just fine  
Pretending I'm not  
I'm far from lonely  
And it's all that I've got_

I'll be just fine  
Pretending I'm not  
I'm far from lonely  
And it's all that I've got*

I change my clothing hurriedly, peeling off my expensive robe and my Hogwarts uniform and replacing them with my favourite pair of pyjamas. Blaise once told me they were childish but I don't care, I love them. They're forest green with little silver Snitches sewn all over them, and made of the finest wool, the type that didn't itch. I run my hand over the sleeve of my right arm and smile.

A tapping on the door distracts me, being in the dungeons we have no windows. So I open the door and who should fly in but Harry Potters snowy white owl, Hedwig. I reach out to stroke her head softly, and she looks up at me, her eyes sad and I believe she's crying. I take the letter off her leg and pet her once more, afraid to read the contents. She coos sadly again and flies to Archimedes cage to get herself a drink, my own owl doesn't mind.

With shaking fingers I tear open the seal and unfold the tear stained parchment. I read the first line, "Dearest Draco, I haven't got long left so I'm going to skip to the chase, I love you." My heart soared, he loved me, he loved I_me_/I! But then I read over the line, just to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me and I gasp. Startled I edge backwards towards my bed and sit on the corner of it, numb, cold, and terrified.

"I haven't got long left," I repeated the line and squeezed my eyes shut. I opened them and started reading again. "I love you," I repeat that phrase over and over every time something Harry said hurt me. "It's too hard… 'I love you', for too long Draco… 'I love you', I just can't anymore... 'I love you'."

xxx

"**Please don't feel that anything, any of this, is your fault. I love you, near the end; you were what made my pointless existence worthwhile. You gave me something I thought I lost the ability to have, something I didn't know I could feel. **

"**You made me love, and I will always love you. **

"**They don't deserve to hear this from me, they abandoned me, and they left me. You… no matter how much you hated me, you never thought I did anything bad. I was always 'perfect Potter', 'the Golden Boy', I wish there was time for me to be 'just Harry' for you, or maybe even 'your Harry', but I guess I'll never know. Whether you felt the same way, or whether you're laughing your head off right now, showing this to all your Slytherin friends. To think I could have been one of those, but I turned it down for Weasly? I'm a Gryffindor and a fool, wouldn't you say?**

"**Please give the accompanying note to Severus, there wasn't time to send Hedwig with two notes. It goes without saying; I leave my best and truest friend in your care. Take care of her, or I'll come back and haunt you.**

"**I love you more than life, Draco!**

"**Harry Potter.**"

I fight back the tears, and without thinking twice I head to the door, and throw it open. I run as fast as my legs will carry me, in my childish Quiditch pyjamas to my godfather's private quarters. I pound on the door, and he opens it with a sneer. A sneer that melts off his face as I hand him the letter addressed to him.

He breaks the seal, and invites me inside. I prefer to stand at the door and sensing my immediacy he reads as fast as he can, and fighting back his own tears, for whatever reason, he faces me.

xxx

"I love him, Sev," I whisper, my heart breaking at the pain reflected back at me in the usually so cold and unfeeling obsidian orbs. His hand clenches on the letter, crumpling it up in his fist before he realises what he's done, and with alarming gentleness he uses both hands to flatten it out as much as possible before folding it neatly and placing it in his pocket. They way he treated the paper; I thought maybe my godfather loved Harry too, in his own way.

"Foolish boy, idiot boy," he mutters as he storms by me. I follow, unheeding of his fast pace or his long strides, I run at times just to keep up. I shiver in my pyjamas as we leave the warmth and comfort of the castle. I wonder for a brief moment where Severus is leading me, and then I see him. Far away, in the distance, a thousand miles away it seems to me, standing by the lake. I try to scream at him to stop, but he moves on, my words swallowed by the spiteful wind that swirled around me and Sev. The wind eats my words, my warnings, my promises of love, chews them up and blows them back in my face with cold, chilling laughter that causes me to shiver again.

Severus doesn't seem to be dealing any better, his eyes have widened, and his fist are still clenching. He doesn't stop to shout, but moves forward faster than before and now I jog to keep up. We stop by the edge of the lake to see Harry stomping his foot down on the ice. A 'snap' echoes over the wind, which seems to have stopped to witness the death of the man, the only person, I love.

The fine sheet of ice begins to age, wrinkles in the form of cracks spread out across the beautiful ageless ice. I scream, or at least I think I screamed, for Harry to run. Run towards me and off the dangerous ground his was walking, the fine line between me, my arms, my love, and his death. The wind picks up again and I shiver relentlessly as it beats against my back, my chest, my everywhere, trying to drive me back inside. As if driven by Harry, himself, and his will, his not wanting me to see him like this.

xxx

He turns and notices us and the look on his face, I see shock and for a brief moment fear. And then, it's gone, he's blank again; like I remember him being for most of the school year, 6th year, he wasn't staying to graduate. Tears run down my face unchecked now, as Harry raises his hand slowly and waves, his face flooded with emotion once again, but this time love. A love so overwhelming it scares me, the though of never experiencing that kind of passion, devotion and love again terrifies me. He whispers 'I love you' and I run for him.

I don't care about the ice, or the cracks or the freezing cold water below. I run for him and Severus grabs me, I look to him and sob once. His eyes reflect my desire. To save Harry even at the cost of his own life, he wants Harry alive as much as I do, for his own reasons.

It's too late, and no matter how my heart tries to deny it, my brain and voice of reason is screaming at me to look away, to spare myself the pain of your death, to save my tears until I bury you. Then the world can see how much I loved you, damn Voldemort and my father, damn the press and your so-called-friends. I LOVE YOU! I shout it back again, and I think you hear me, for a second I think you contemplated fighting the ice and coming back to me. Just for a second.

Before you could really consider it, the ice tips and you fall. Lying on your face, I see you look up at me one last time and smile, before directing one of your beautiful grins at Severus. I notice a tear slide down his cheek as your grip slips, and you slide down the vertical chunk of ice and into the deadly cold water below. The ice cap falls back, trapping you. I scream and I cry and I rage and beg you to come back to me. The wind makes no noise, no movement, as if mourning your passing along with me.

xxx

As Severus takes me in his arms I cry and the wind howls with me. Flecks of snow are driven across the ground by the force of the grieving wind; slowly they begin to cover the frozen lake, as if hiding you from view. The snow keeps you safe, protects you and hides you and keeps you warm in the cold? Perhaps.

I hope you feel safe, and warm and loved, I hope you know I love you. I hate you because you're leaving me without giving me a chance to show you how deep my love for you runs, but I love you. Even in death I love you, and I always will, no matter what happens in the fight with Voldemort, I'll love you. Whether we win or lose, I'll love you. Whether I die a traitor, I'll love you, because that's what I will be. I never wanted to follow a mad man Harry, believe me, but I was scared to stand up against him. But now, I have your love, and it gives me the strength to do whatever I want, to do whatever I think will make you happy. I feel as if I can take on any number of gods and win, against each one, just because you loved me.

Slowly, the wind changes direction, and the snow blows off the lake uncovering the sheet of ice, its cracks gone no trace of your fall visible. Yet we know it happened we know you're still there, and with tears staining his cheeks, Severus points his wand and whispers, "Incendio."

I step back and watch as the ice melt, adding more water to the lake. He wades in, uncaring of the cold or the fact that it may freeze over again soon, given the whether and Hogwarts magical properties. He reaches you, and pulls you close to him, as if to share his warmth with you. When he is completely out of water he collapses, his frame shakes as he places you down on the ground in front of him; his hands cover his face as he continues to shake.

xxx

I resist the urge to gag, you are too thin, but it never made you look sickly, your beautifully toned golden skin made you look healthy and edible, now, your skin tinted blue, they greyness of death setting in now that you were out of the chilled water, you look… dead. Cold and dead, and gone from me, somewhere I can never reach you again. I look to the sky and I comfort myself with the knowledge that, maybe, you're up there right now watching over me. Severus and I, and you'll be there to help us deal.

The wind picks up again, gently, lovingly it wraps around me first and then Severus, who raises his head and bares his face to meet it. Like an invisible hand it caresses our faces and I whisper your name as the wind dies once more. Sev picks you up and carries you, carefully like the most priceless of bundles, inside the school. Students have gathered, the 6th year Gryffindor's alerting the teachers of your disappearance, and in the process waking half the school.

He cradles you like a child to his chest, hiding your face from view as he storms passed the crowd, many in tears and many rather amused albeit confused as well. I sneer that those last few and follow my godfather, surprisingly to his own private quarters. As I follow, I pull your letter out of my breast pocket where I shoved it without realising. I re-read it, as Severus settles you onto his bed, I read it and I cry some more tears for you.

You've left, but you're still here, and that comforts me. I have Hedwig and your love, I have your letter and you memories and that's all that I need. It will have to be I guess…

…Because it's all that I've got.

**The End**


	3. Chapter 3

THIS IS A REPOST. SEE ANGRY CAPITAL LETTER WORDS IN FIRST CHAPTER!

Ok this is the end… And no, contrary to popular belief, I do know that resuscitation is possible, and yes I wanted Harry to die and stay dead.

Chapter 1 was written because I was feeling depressed that day and 2 & 3 were written because people were nice enough to review while asking for more… HARRY WILL STAY DEAD! Please stop telling me ways to bring him back. Sorry, but after like 534 suggestions, a girl will just snap you know?

Anyway, thanks to all you who did review, and tried not to steal my sanity, and thanks all the same to those who made of with what precious little sanity I had to begin with.

Thanks to RAKINA who beta'd this as well, like the fab star she is!

**Yesterday's Feelings**

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter, et al does not belong to me. The song is by **The Used**! H/D

**Beta: **Rakina! *smooch*

**Words:** 2,185

_XXX_

*_Now all those feelings, _

_Those yesterdays' feelings will all be lost in time  
But today I've wasted away _

_For today is on my mind_*

Stir: one… two… three… I drop the ladle and let the potion boil for five minutes. One… two… three… I drop the ladle again. I set the timer for 40 minutes and leave the room, careful to close the door to my private potions lab behind me. Inside my office, I sink into my chair, soft, leather and oh-so-comfortable.

I resist the urge to sigh as I notice the parchment on my desk. Harry Potter's latest potions grade – abysmal; and it's not only in potions, the boy is slipping in every subject, even his famed Defence Against the Dark Arts. A certain sign if there ever was one, yet Albus Dumbledore won't listen.

He told me to check on the boy that previous summer, after the mutt Sirius Black died, because he was 'concerned' over Harry's wellbeing. And I told him how the Muggles were abusive and neglectful, but he didn't listen. I, Professor McGonagall, and countless other professors have expressed our concerns and worries about the Boy Who Lived, yet Albus won't listen. He insists nothing is wrong.

Of course Albus is always right. *Snort.*

Even though the old codger won't notice or admit Harry has a problem, the rest of the staff will, and we have sworn to keep an eye out for the boy, myself included. I've spent five years keeping him alive; it's a bit late to stop now. 'Kicking the habit', sounds like I'm talking about cigarettes.

xxx

Harry…? When did Harry stop being Potter, and become Harry? I run my hand over my face remembering the events that opened my eyes. Vernon? The fat Muggle uncle… I'm sure his name was Vernon. He had Harry by the hair – the boy's grown it out a bit – and was kicking him. Harry wasn't making a noise, and that reminded me of myself: whereas my mother would cry out I never did, and it infuriated my father no end.

And then I saw something I'd never seen before. Harry cried, big fat salty tears, running down his pale, bruised cheeks and my heart shattered. A Muggle did what Voldemort had never done – he broke Harry Bloody Potter. The transformation from 'son of Potter', to 'just Harry' was sudden but permanent; before I knew it I was over there, wand to the man's throat and lifting Harry into my arms. I took as many of his things as his whale of a cousin could get me and left.

I spent a week trying to get near Harry, just close enough to apply bruise-salve to his wounds, or check his status. Whenever I'd raise my hand he'd flinch and re-open the wounds. Once, I resorted to strapping him to the bed while he was sleeping, and I made sure he was freed before he woke. I wouldn't risk any more damage to the boy; mentally or physically.

xxx

With a sigh, I cast 'Tempus' and I realize almost 35 minutes have been spent reminiscing. I stand and head back towards my lab. My hand touches the handle and is about to turn when someone – some disrespectful disgrace to Wizards everywhere – began to try and beat my door down in the middle of the night. I could have been sleeping, for Salazar's sake!

I stride to the door and throw it open, my spiteful comments freeze at the sight of my godson – so much like a son to me, much like Harry – with tears spilling unchecked over his cheeks. I sneer anyway: habits die hard they say. Without comment he hands me a piece of paper. My name '**Severus**' is scrawled across the front of the folded parchment in Harry's untidy script.

I break the seal, and fight the hysterical noises warring to burst free from my throat. My eyes skim over the paper, before I lock gazes with Draco, demanding with a stare what right he has to be privy to this before me.

"I love him, Sev," he whispers to me, and my heart breaks along with his own.

xxx

"**Dad,**

**You know, I've always wanted to call you that, but I was afraid of how you'd react. I'm glad I had the nerve to write it at least once, this way… well, at least you know. I would have hated to leave you not knowing, I don't think I'd be able to- go -knowing that you didn't know how I felt about you.**

**I've already written to Draco and told him how I felt about him. Feel, sorry, I'm still here I guess. Or maybe I'm not. Maybe Hedwig listened to me, and has waited until they pulled me from the lake. Do think it will hurt?**" Tear stains were scattered throughout that section of the page, Severus added his own to the mix.

"**It's too late to back out now. I want you to promise me something. I know you care for Draco, but take care of him, ok? Don't let Lucius hurt him. Please. For me? Also, don't try to stop me, I need to do this. I have to leave; it hurts, Dad, so much.**

**Hey that's twice. I love you, wow! I said it. That's also twice; I told Draco I loved him as well, you know. Please don't be sad for me. Hell, I'm not even sure if you'll miss me. I just thought you deserved to… I don't know… be told goodbye I guess.**

**So well, goodbye!**

**Harry x**

I clench my fists and with a start realize I've crumpled the letter. I loosen my grip and lovingly caress the paper flat again, before folding it and placing it in my breast pocket.

"Foolish boy, idiot boy," I mutter as I storm by Draco. Without looking, I know my godson is following me. I don't need to ask if Draco knows where Harry is, the comment about the lake is good enough for me. Foolish boy! I walk faster, Draco almost running to keep up with me. He's cold, I can see him shiver but he keeps quiet so I don't say a word or offer him my cloak. He'd probably refuse anyway.

xxx

I can see him now, standing there… in the middle of the lake, its frozen surface shimmering beneath him. He looks so cold. Draco is watching me, and I try to calm myself, I don't want to scare my godson. But my eyes are wide and my hands are clenched and I know he can sense my distress; Draco was always good at that.

The wind picks up as Draco starts to scream at Harry to get off the ice. It's as if Hogwarts herself is against us, Hogwarts wants Harry to die. But even as I think it, I know it's ridiculous. Hogwarts is trying to protect Harry. Not from death, but from us.

I start to move faster again, wondering when I stopped in the first place. Draco is jogging to keep up now but I can't stop to wait for him, my son needs me. Draco screams again as Harry's foot comes down hard for a final time. The ice cracks with a 'snap' and Harry smiles, so carefree and happy. I haven't seen him like that since he walked into the Great Hall before his Sorting. As he begins to slip beneath the ice, I throw away dignity and sprint towards him, as fast as my billowing robes will let me.

He whispered 'I love you' at the end before he fell, but he was talking to Draco. He smiled at me as well, and I fought to hold Draco back. He tried desperately to get into the water to pull Harry out, but I won't lose them both. So I keep Draco back, and try to stop myself jumping in his place.

I know when you've passed because the wind changes, it stops pushing us back and instead it blows us forward, taking the sheet of fresh snow off the ice as well. The lake has frozen over you. I lift my wand and with a shaky voice I whisper, "Incendio," and watch as the ice melts.

xxx

I move forward, pushing Draco's shoulders, silently commanding him to stay where he is. The water's so cold it bites at my skin and my clothing. I shiver as I drag my feet forward. Mindlessly trying to reach you, uncaring of the ice that is forming around the centre of the lake where my curse stopped. It will reach us in minutes, Harry; I have to get you out of there. When I finally reach you, I gather you into my arms, intent on warming you before I remember that you're gone. I reach the shore and lay you down gently. As soon as your weight is out of my arms I collapse, unable to fight the tears that have been threatening since I received your note. My shoulders shake as I bury my face in my hands and cry for you.

I hear Draco beside me, he sounds like he's fighting not to be sick and barely winning. You must look bad, which I guess is understandable since its freezing. You chose a great night to disappear. The wind's back again, and I prepare myself for the same biting lashes as before, only to be disappointed when no pain comes. Instead the wind wraps around me like one of your hugs and I resist the urge to hug it back, because after all it's only air.

I raise my face, the tears drying on my cheeks, only for the wind to run along my skin and remove the tear track. I give a shaky smile as Draco whispers your name, obviously having come to the same conclusion as myself. With a sigh I get to my feet and lift you into my arms. Together Draco and I head back into the school, past all the nosey students who have come to gawk at the Boy Who Lived, and see what new adventure he'd sneaked out to participate in. Only you aren't the Boy Who Lived anymore, you're 'just Harry' and you're dead. Draco sneers at the ones who look smug – Slytherins mostly I notice, though not all of them. Unconsciously I remember their faces and names. We'll be having a chat tomorrow, I promise myself.

Draco follows as I lead him to my private quarters. I murmur the password and step inside. The room is cold, like you, but I ignore the chill and head to my bedroom where I place you on the bed, pulling the covers back and then tucking you under them. Draco is re-reading his note, I notice, and crying again. I would have followed suit, but I have shed enough tears tonight. Harry would have been so disappointed in me.

xxx

I get up and light the fire, and I find more blankets to place over you. Sitting at the side of the bed I stroke your cheek and brush the hair out of your eyes. Still wet, I notice. I summon my hairbrush and begin to run it through your hair, adding a drying charm along with it. Draco watches in shock: he is the only other person on the planet who is the recipient of my care and attention. I don't think he minds sharing so much, because he smiles and leans down to press a soft kiss to your cold lips and then one to my cheek.

"You love him." It wasn't a question.

"Like a son," I answer quietly. "Like I love you."

xxx

He smiles at me, and I return it. I miss you Harry, and I'll feel lonely without you. But I'm not alone, and neither is Draco. I'll take care of him for you, and keep him safe. And together neither of us will forget you loved us.

And maybe then my heart will stop breaking.

**The End**

Ok it's completed no more for this one… My beta said it made her cry so… who wants to review and admit the same happened to them? :D


End file.
